Paul Levy說：“科技破壞了夫妻之間的親密度。”隨著我們之間真正接觸的減少，我們的期望值也就越低。我們逐漸忘記了什么是真正的浪漫。孩子們也因沉迷于玩手機而忽視了父母對他們的關(guān)心。一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)了社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)和婚姻滿意度之間的關(guān)系。你想想看事情會這樣發(fā)展：當你想跟你的孫子說話的時候，他們一邊說著“我聽著呢”卻一邊在一直玩著手機，根本沒有聽你在說什么。當你在家吃飯時，你想和丈夫說幾句話，他卻一直在那邊查看電子郵件，也許他也會回你幾句，但是他的注意力根本不在你身上。你可能會在想到底是誰在這么頻繁的給他發(fā)郵件，然后陷入懷疑的痛苦，甚至都不想跟他睡前親吻了。

Then it occurs to you that you put an ‘X’ at the end of your text messages to each other more often than you kiss in real life. For many of us, this behaviour is slowly becoming the new normal. But it shouldn’t: because technology is destroying real intimacy in our relationships. I have been studying the digital world as a senior researcher at the University of Brighton since 1990, but it was six years ago when I started to notice myself spending too long on my smartphone: hours online at night and constantly responding to it in the day, even when surrounded by friends.

然后你突然想到，你在短信中最后加上“X”（“親親”）的次數(shù)竟然超過了你在現(xiàn)實中真正親吻的次數(shù)。對很多人來說，這種現(xiàn)象會變得越來越正常，但是我們不應(yīng)該讓科技毀了真正的親密關(guān)系。“作為布萊德大學(xué)的一個高級研究員，我從1990就開始研究數(shù)碼電子世界。但是在六年前我開始發(fā)現(xiàn)，我花在智能手機上的時間太長了。即使我身邊有很多朋友，但是我一天還是會花很多時間在網(wǎng)上，忙著回復(fù)各種信息。”

I realised I was beginning to get addicted — and I wasn’t the only one. So, I began studying the effects of our virtual lives on our physical relationships, and have since spoken to hundreds of couples whose partnerships have been threatened by their addiction to technology. For some, the cause is what I call ‘wretched contentment’: spending evenings watching TV, all the while constantly checking phones without talking. It’s pleasant, but it’s not fulfilling.
As the quality of our physical connections gets diluted over time, we adjust, expecting less. We forget what real romance is. And we forget that sending kisses by email can’t replace actual intimacy. Studies the world over have proven the same. Researchers at the University of Missouri interviewed hundreds of Facebook users aged between 18 and 82, who believed their partner’s Facebook use increased conflict in their relationship.

“我意識到我開始沉迷于社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)，而且我知道這不止我一個。于是，我開始研究虛擬世界對夫妻關(guān)系的影響，我也同幾百對因網(wǎng)絡(luò)技術(shù)導(dǎo)致夫妻關(guān)系受到威脅的夫婦進行了交談。對一些人來說，原因就是我說的所謂的滿足感。晚上我們花時間看電視，不斷的檢查手機看看有沒有信息，而忘記與另一半講話。”。這是令人愉快的，但是不能然我們滿足。隨著我們之間真正接觸的減少，我們的期望值也就越低。我們逐漸忘記了什么是真正的浪漫。我們似乎忘記了通過電子郵件發(fā)送出的“親吻”，并不能取代真正的親密。世界各地的研究已經(jīng)對此進行了證明，密蘇里州大學(xué)的研究人員采訪了18到82歲之間臉書使用者，這些人認為社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)的頻繁使用增加了彼此之間的矛盾沖突。

As the use of the site increased, the study found, so did their jealousy, leading to break-ups, cheating and divorce. The evidence is everywhere: the more we resort to digital intimacy, the less fluent our actual intimacy becomes. One couple’s relationship suffered when they were both promoted, and spent every evening answering emails from work, even at 11pm. ‘At first, we were answering emails from the bedroom,’ says Anne. ‘Which meant our sex life suffered. Then, my husband started working from the study next door instead. When he started texting me goodnight, instead of walking to the bedroom, I knew I was no longer a priority.’ This distance breeds mistrust. Partners worry who their loved one is talking to — often with good reason.

研究人員發(fā)現(xiàn)，隨著網(wǎng)絡(luò)的普遍使用，彼此的妒忌之心也會變得嚴重，因此導(dǎo)致分手，欺騙甚至離婚。證據(jù)無處不在，我們和網(wǎng)絡(luò)世界越親密，那我們和另一半的關(guān)系就會越疏遠。一位叫安妮的被調(diào)查者說：“起初我們都是一起在臥室互相回復(fù)郵件。這意味著性生活還是正常的。但是很快我的丈夫開始在隔壁的書房里回復(fù)郵件，當他發(fā)信息而不是進房間來和我說晚安的時候，我就意識到，我在他心里沒有那么重要了。”這種距離滋生了彼此間的懷疑。伴侶們開始擔心他們的愛人在跟誰說話——而且通常有著充分的理由。

And an Oxford University study of 24,000 married European couples found a direct, inverse link between use of social networking sites and marital satisfaction.
The more couples read about others’ exciting lives on social media, the more likely they were to view their own with disappointment and disdain.

牛津大學(xué)大學(xué)研究了24000對夫婦，發(fā)現(xiàn)了社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)的使用和婚姻滿意度的一種直接性的、逆向的聯(lián)系。夫妻們通過媒體知道了別人一些非常刺激的生活，于是就會對自己的婚姻生活越來越失望和鄙視。

People can fall into ‘text’ arguments in ways they never would face-to-face. Misunderstandings are all too easy when you can’t read someone’s body language. And friendships are affected as we replace meet-ups with online communication. The more we get out of practice at being with other human beings, the scarier physical closeness becomes, chipping away at our happiness. We all need deep communication and we’re not getting it. Many children now Skype relatives more regularly, but visit them less. Most grandparents would prefer a call and a visit. Technology can be a beautiful way to keep in touch, but it should be an addition, not a replacement, to real relationships.

有時候人們之間會在發(fā)短信時產(chǎn)生一些真正交談時不會產(chǎn)生的誤會。當我們看不到對方的肢體語言時，誤會很容易產(chǎn)生。在我們用線上交流取代見面交流的同時，我們的友誼也受到了影響。我們與別人之間的接觸越少，就會對身體上的親密越來越害怕，這就對我們的美好生活造成了裂痕。我們都需要深層次的交流，但我們得不到。很多孩子現(xiàn)在更多的是給親人們打網(wǎng)絡(luò)電話，而減少了去他們家里的次數(shù)。科技固然很好，但是它只能是一種保持我們聯(lián)系的工具，而不能替代我們真正的關(guān)系。

WHAT YOU CAN DO . . .

你能做的是…

Reclaim your home. Placing smartphones and tablets away from the bedroom and the places we eat is a big step in the right direction. Use a proper alarm clock, not your phone. When you are meeting friends put your phone on ‘airplane mode’ and allow at least 20 minutes of uninterrupted communication. When you text your partner saying ‘I love you’, close your eyes, picture your partner and really feel that love. When you send someone an ‘X’ in a text, make sure you give them a kiss in real life when you get home.

改造一下你的家。把智能手機和平板電腦從臥室和餐廳里收起來，這是朝正確方向邁出的一大步。使用真正的鬧鐘，而不是你的手機。當你與朋友會面的時候，開啟飛行模式，至少與朋友有20分鐘不間斷的交談。當你發(fā)短信給你的伴侶說“我愛你”的時候，閉上眼睛，想象一下你的愛人并真切的感受到這份愛意。當你給別人發(fā)短信說“親親”的時候，確保你回到家時真正的親吻他們。