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For Valentine's Day on Monday, Amy McMahon will be celebrating twice. She's preparing a romantic candlelight dinner for her longtime boyfriend and giving him a gift card from his favorite fitness website. That same day, Ms. McMahon will be giving her 'work husband' some small heart-shaped cakes and a sentimental card.
'Valentine's Day doesn't have to be all about romance. It is about showing the people you love that you care,' says Ms. McMahon, who lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her boyfriend of 10 years, Casey Hoover.
Over the past three years, Kian Weaver, her colleague at a health-care organization, has become her office spouse, a term for a co-workers with close relationships. They exchange job and personal advice and take workday lunches and shopping breaks together. Mr. Weaver says he will be getting Ms. McMahon a card and chocolates Monday as well.
Amy McMahon and her work-husband Kian Weaver
For many office spouses, Valentine's Day is uncharted territory. Even though the relationship is platonic, some want to use Feb. 14 to acknowledge their bond.
Of course, conventional wisdom says it's a no-no. Valentine's Day is so tied to romantic love that even casual gifts to a co-worker are easily misunderstood, says Jacqueline Olds, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. 'One person might think it's all in good fun, while the other person could easily take it the wrong way,' she says.
Employers, wary of sexual-harassment problems, often frown on Valentine's Day parties or gift-giving at the office. And office spouses can also be hazardous to a marriage when the relationships cross the line into an 'emotional affair' -- a romance 'that hasn't become sexual yet,' says Peggy Vaughan, a San Diego author and founder of Beyond Affairs Network, an organization of support groups for people hurt by spousal infidelity.
Nearly two-thirds of workers have or have had a work spouse, according to a survey in July of 640 white-collar workers by Captivate Network, a Chelmsford, Mass., digital-programming and advertising company.
Still, the greeting-card industry isn't touching the office-spouse relationship. Valentine's Day is universally regarded as 'an occasion for spouses or romantic partners to express their love,' says Susan January, vice president of the Greeting Card Association, a White Plains, N.Y.-based trade group. Any non-romantic cards stick to humor between friends.
Mr. Hoover says he knows all about Ms. McMahon's plans with Mr. Weaver. In fact, Mr. Hoover says he and Mr. Weaver are friends and work out together. He sees Mr. Weaver's bond with his girlfriend as 'a win-win.' When Mr. Weaver advises Ms. McMahon on relationship matters, 'she gets the perspective of another guy, and sometimes it makes my life easier,' Mr. Hoover says.
Amy McMahon and her boyfriend Casey Hoover
Office spouses also have to make it clear that they value their actual spouses or romantic relationships more. Former TV anchorwoman Cindy Morrison says she respected and admired her longtime work husband, co-anchor Mark Bradshaw, so much that she always bought him a Valentine's Day 'friend card' and gift, such as cologne. 'I spent more time with him than with my actual husband,' says Ms. Morrison, who worked with Mr. Bradshaw for 12 years at KTUL-TV in Tulsa, Okla., before leaving in 2009. 'If you have that great trusting relationship, why not have fun and be funny with it?'
But Ms. Morrison always got her husband Todd a more romantic, 'fun and flirty' gift, such as a jar with 365 'sweet nothings' inside, one for every day of the year, or a vacation plane ticket, she says. Mr. Morrison says he not only didn't mind his wife's Valentine's Day gifts to her office spouse, but appreciated the support his wife and Mr. Bradshaw provided each other at work.
Mr. Bradshaw says he enjoyed the gifts as a product of Ms. Morrison's 'very giving and very emotional' nature and felt bad because he could never think of anything appropriate to give her in return. The Morrisons are friends with Mr. Bradshaw and his wife of 21 years, Michelle.
Other office spouses will just tweak their daily routines a bit in honor of each other. Kristi Serrano and Dennis Ritell, both managers at The Knot, a New York-based wedding-planning media company, have been office spouses for about three years. 'I consider him one of my best friends and a sounding board' on both work and personal life, Ms. Serrano says. Mr. Ritell always buys her a birthday card, and Ms. Serrano sometimes helps him shop for clothes, he says. Mr. Ritell has met Ms. Serrano's boyfriend, Brian Sozzi, and they have double-dated.
There is also an easy route for office spouses, the one chosen by Megan Stuke. She readily jokes that she has two husbands -- one at home and a work husband at the hospital where she is employed as an administrator. 'It's important to have someone to bond with at work,' she says. She teases her work husband about his wardrobe choices and reminds him when he needs a haircut. He kids her about her bossing him around, and cleans the snow off her car in the office parking lot, she says. Her husband at home knows her office husband and 'thinks it's funny,' says Ms. Stuke, of Lawrence, Kan.
But she won't be getting her office husband anything on Valentine's Day. 'Are you kidding me?' Ms. Stuke says. 'That's just weird. It's a romantic holiday.'
參考譯文：
明天就是情人節(jié)了，家住俄亥俄州首府哥倫布市的艾蜜•麥克馬洪(Amy McMahon)打算過(guò)兩次情人節(jié)。她將給自己交往多年的男朋友準(zhǔn)備一頓浪漫的燭光晚餐，送一張他最喜歡的健身網(wǎng)站的禮品卡。同一天，她將送給自己的“工作丈夫”一些心型小蛋糕，以及一張感恩的賀卡。
艾蜜說(shuō)，情人節(jié)不一定只能是戀人之間的浪漫節(jié)日，也可以在這一天向你敬愛(ài)和關(guān)心的人表達(dá)心意。她男朋友叫凱西•胡佛(Casey Hoover)，兩人已經(jīng)交往十年。
過(guò)去三年來(lái)，在一家醫(yī)療機(jī)構(gòu)工作的艾蜜與她同事齊安•維弗(Kian Weaver)已成為“工作夫妻”，這個(gè)名詞用來(lái)形容工作關(guān)系密切的男女同事。他們平日交流工作意見(jiàn)和個(gè)人想法，經(jīng)常在一起吃工作午餐，一起出去購(gòu)物。齊安說(shuō)，他在下周一也將送給艾蜜一張卡片和一盒巧克力。
對(duì)許多“工作夫妻”而言，情人節(jié)是個(gè)從未涉及的節(jié)日；而對(duì)有些人來(lái)說(shuō)，縱然只是一種柏拉圖式的精神維系，他們還是想在2月14日表達(dá)一下對(duì)彼此的關(guān)心。
當(dāng)然，傳統(tǒng)觀念認(rèn)為這是萬(wàn)萬(wàn)不可的。哈佛醫(yī)學(xué)院(Harvard Medical School)精神病學(xué)臨床副教授賈桂琳•奧爾茲(Jacqueline Olds)說(shuō)，情人節(jié)與浪漫的愛(ài)情緊密聯(lián)系在一起，即便送給同事一件很隨意的禮物也容易造成誤解。有些人可能覺(jué)得情人節(jié)送同事禮物只是為了好玩，但另一些人很容易就會(huì)想偏。
對(duì)性騷擾問(wèn)題頗為警惕的企業(yè)往往不贊同員工開(kāi)情人節(jié)派對(duì)或互送禮物。加州圣達(dá)戈作家佩琪•沃根(Peggy Vaughan)說(shuō)，“工作夫妻”如果越線變成“感情出軌”，很容易破壞既有的婚姻關(guān)系。感情出軌就是一個(gè)還沒(méi)發(fā)生性關(guān)系的外遇。佩琪也是“超越外遇網(wǎng)路”(Beyond Affairs Network)的創(chuàng)始人，該機(jī)構(gòu)專門為那些因配偶不忠行為而受到傷害的人提供幫助。
2010年7月，麻塞諸塞州切姆斯福德鎮(zhèn)(Chelmsford)的Captivate Network數(shù)碼程式設(shè)計(jì)及廣告公司對(duì)640名白領(lǐng)職員做了一項(xiàng)調(diào)查。結(jié)果顯示，近三分之二的上班族有或曾經(jīng)有過(guò)“工作配偶”。
不過(guò)，賀卡行業(yè)對(duì)“工作夫妻”關(guān)系并不買帳。紐約州懷特普萊斯市(White Plains)的“賀卡協(xié)會(huì)”(Greeting Card Association)行業(yè)組織的副總裁蘇珊•杰紐瑞(Susan January)說(shuō)，情人節(jié)是一個(gè)公認(rèn)的讓夫妻或戀人互表情意的節(jié)日。送給朋友的非浪漫卡片還是以幽默搞笑為主。
艾蜜的男友凱西說(shuō)，他知道艾蜜跟齊安的情人節(jié)安排，并表示自己跟齊安也是朋友，經(jīng)常一起健身。他認(rèn)為齊安跟自己女朋友的關(guān)系是一種“雙贏”，因?yàn)辇R安會(huì)跟艾蜜探討一些男女之間如何相處的話題。凱西說(shuō)，她能從另一個(gè)男人那里獲得看問(wèn)題的新視角，有時(shí)候，這會(huì)讓我的日子更好過(guò)一些。
“工作夫妻”也必須相互說(shuō)清楚，他們更看重自己真正的配偶或戀人。前電視新聞主持人辛蒂•莫里斯(Cindy Morrison)說(shuō)，她非常地尊重和愛(ài)戴與她長(zhǎng)期合作的“工作丈夫”──搭檔主持人馬克•布拉德肖(Mark Bradshaw)，每年都會(huì)在情人節(jié)送他一張“朋友卡片”和一份禮物。辛蒂與馬克在奧克拉荷馬州突沙市(Tulsa)的KTUL-TV電視臺(tái)共事長(zhǎng)達(dá)12年之久，直到2009年辛蒂離職。辛蒂說(shuō)，如果你有一份值得信賴的工作關(guān)系，為什么不享受一下這份樂(lè)趣，玩點(diǎn)有意思的事情呢？
不過(guò)，辛蒂總是給她丈夫陶德(Todd)準(zhǔn)備一份更羅曼蒂克、更有情趣的禮物。辛蒂說(shuō)，比如一個(gè)大罐子，里頭有365張“情話”小紙條，可以每天打開(kāi)一張來(lái)看，或者是一張度假的飛機(jī)票。陶德表示，他不僅不在意妻子在情人節(jié)給她的“工作配偶”送禮物，而且還很欣賞辛蒂和馬克在工作中的相互扶持。
馬克說(shuō)，他很高興收到辛蒂的禮物，覺(jué)得這是出于她樂(lè)于給予、注重感情的天性，同時(shí)覺(jué)得很內(nèi)疚，因?yàn)榭偸窍氩怀瞿苡惺裁春线m的東西作為回禮。莫里斯夫婦與馬克及其結(jié)婚21年的太太蜜雪兒(Michelle)都是好朋友。
其他一些“工作夫妻”只會(huì)稍微改變一下日常的工作安排，以表示對(duì)彼此的敬意。克利斯蒂•瑟萊諾(Kristi Serrano)和鄧尼斯•理特爾(Dennis Ritell)都是紐約一家婚慶規(guī)劃媒體公司的經(jīng)理，成為“工作夫妻”大約有三年了。克利斯蒂說(shuō)，無(wú)論在工作還是在生活中，我都把鄧尼斯看作是最好的朋友之一，有事情經(jīng)常向他征詢意見(jiàn)。鄧尼斯每年都送克利斯蒂生日卡片，他說(shuō)克利斯蒂有時(shí)候會(huì)幫他選購(gòu)衣服。鄧尼斯見(jiàn)過(guò)克利斯蒂的男朋友布萊恩•索茲(Brian Sozzi)，并帶彼此的戀人一起聚會(huì)過(guò)。
“工作夫妻”還有另外一種簡(jiǎn)單的相處模式，比如堪薩斯州勞倫斯市(Lawrence)的梅根•斯塔克(Megan Stuke)選擇的方式。她經(jīng)常開(kāi)玩笑說(shuō)自己有兩個(gè)老公，一個(gè)在家里，另一個(gè)在自己從事行政管理工作的醫(yī)院。她說(shuō)，在工作時(shí)能有一個(gè)關(guān)系密切的人很重要。梅根會(huì)取笑“工作丈夫”不懂怎么挑衣服，也會(huì)提醒他應(yīng)該去理發(fā)了；而她的“工作丈夫”則開(kāi)玩笑說(shuō)梅根老是指使他干這干那，也會(huì)在醫(yī)院的停車場(chǎng)幫她清除車上的積雪。梅根說(shuō)，她丈夫知道她有個(gè)“工作丈夫”，覺(jué)得這挺有意思。
不過(guò)，她不會(huì)在情人節(jié)給她的“工作丈夫”買任何東西。梅根說(shuō)，你在開(kāi)玩笑吧？在情人節(jié)給同事買禮物太奇怪了，這是個(gè)情人之間的節(jié)日。
