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Kissing, stroking and wild embraces are common enough, but now the quiet, romantic gesture of holding hands in public is a final frontier for many young couples in the West-even though, traditionally it was the first step towards intimacy.
That very fact--that it's a simple but powerful statement of commitment—is exactly what deters many young people from linking hands.There is no public display of affection more intimate between two people than handholding, writes New York bachelor Jozen, on his blog. "Holding hands is the ultimate sign that two people are not only together, but happily so. Couples kiss madly, hug madly. But hold hands madly? Oh no, they don't do that."Public Display of Affection is so common and varied that it's earned its own acronym, the PDA.
I was recently in London sharing a coffee with my uncle, who's in his 50s. When we went to leave a teenage couple was wildly embracing and kissing in the doorway in front of us. "If they really loved each other they wouldn’t feel the need to do that," he muttered disapprovingly.SarahMaddock, a 26-year-old Londoner, explains that a lot of young people aren't thinking about the long term when they date someone:"Kissing and touching are fueled by passion and don't necessarily mean people plan to be together forever. But a couple quietly holding hands shows something deeper."In the fast paced, constantly changing world of youth where everything is permitted, but nothing is certain, people have time for passion but are scared of the commitment of love.Behavior changes as people age but still many older couples don't share physical contact in public.Sometimes, this is due to time. People are too busy with work or kids to share small intimacies. And there may simply not be enough space in our crowded cities.Whatever the reason, Denise Mah, a writer on love relationships, thinks it's a bad sign "when your love partner stops holding your hand for no obvious reason...or stops putting an arm over your shoulder in public when he or she always did before. It is a sign that a breakup is imminent."
Going hand-in-hand may not only be a sign of a sturdy relationship but may also have health benefits.
Holding the hand of a loved one reduces pain during times of distress, according to a recent study by psychologists at the University of California.Another study by an American psychology professor, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, showed that support between couples reduces stress. One important way that people express this support, researchers say, is through" non-sexual, caring physical touch, such as hand-holding".
Power couples on the world stage have taken to handholding as a sign of equality and commitment. The Obamas are often snapped hand-in-hand. UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown and his wife parade with fingers entwined. And Nicolas Sarkozy and wife Carla Bruni are notorious for their public affection.Subtle shows of affection maybe increasingly rare in our frenzied world. However, if the statesmen can teach us anything perhaps it's that a little handholding wouldn't go amiss.
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親吻、愛撫和熱情的擁抱雖很常見，但如今，安靜、浪漫的牽手卻成了很多西方年輕人在公共場所的終極邊界——雖然這在傳統(tǒng)上不過是親昵行為的第一步。然而，正是這個簡單卻強大的承諾讓眾多年輕人對牽手望而卻步。紐約單身漢Jozen曾在博客中寫道：“所有公共場合親密行為中，兩人間最親密的行為莫過于牽手了。牽手不僅宣告兩人在一起的事實，還將兩人的幸福一并傳達出來。情侶們會瘋狂地親吻、擁抱。但他們會瘋狂地牽手么？答案當然是不會”。公共場合親密行為很常見，也很多樣化。它已經(jīng)擁有了自己的首字母縮略詞——PDA。不久前，我和50多歲的叔叔在倫敦喝咖啡。臨走時，一對十多歲的情侶在我們前面的門口處瘋狂地擁吻。“如果真愛對方，他們完全沒有必要這樣做，”叔叔不以為然地低聲說。對此，26歲的倫敦市民SarahMaddock解釋說，很多年輕人約會時沒有考慮得很長遠。激情促使他們親吻、愛撫彼此，但這并不一定意味著兩人打算廝守終身。而靜靜牽手的情侶們則宣告著更為深入的關系。在如今這個快節(jié)奏、不斷變化的年輕人的世界，人們可以做任何事，但沒有什么是必然的。人們有時間享受激情，卻往往害怕愛情的承諾。雖然人們的行為會隨著年齡的增長而變化，但仍有很多大齡情侶不在公共場合進行肢體接觸。有時，時間是導致這一現(xiàn)象的罪魁禍首。人們忙著工作或孩子而忽略了這些微小的親密行為。又或許這只是因為我們擁擠的城市沒有足夠的空間。無論出于何種原因，研究戀愛關系的作家DeniseMah認為，如果你的另一半毫無緣由地不像以前那樣在公共場合和你牽手，或?qū)⑹址旁谀愕募绨颍@都不是一個好現(xiàn)象。這是分手的前兆。
除了作為穩(wěn)定關系的標志，牽手走還有益健康。
不久前，加利福尼亞大學心理學家研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，牽著戀人的手有助于減輕人們悲痛時的疼痛感。美國心理學教授Julianne Holt-Lunstad的另一項調(diào)查發(fā)現(xiàn)，戀人間的支持能夠減輕壓力。研究人員稱，人們表達支持的一個重要方式是“非性的飽含關懷的肢體接觸，例如牽手”。
世界大舞臺上的權(quán)貴夫婦們已將握手視為平等、承諾的標志。奧巴馬夫婦照相時總是兩手緊握，英國首相戈登•布朗夫婦外出時也總是十指緊扣，法國總統(tǒng)尼古拉斯•薩科奇和妻子卡拉•布魯尼更因二人在公共場合的親昵舉動而招致不少非議。在如今這個狂亂的世界，細微的表達愛意的舉動或許會越發(fā)罕見。但是，如果政治家們可以教會我們一些事情的話，那或許就是偶爾牽牽手還是不錯的。
