How many times have you gotten upset because someone wasn't doing their job, because your child isn't behaving, because your partner or friend isn't living up to his or her end of the bargain?

    How many times have you been irritated when someone doesn't do things the way you're used to? Or when you've planned something carefully and things didn't go as you'd hoped?

    This kind of anger and irritation happens to all of us - it's part of the human experience.

    One thing that irritates me is when people talk during a movie. Or cut me off in traffic. Or don't wash their dishes after eating. Actually, I have a lot of these little annoyances - don't we all?

    And it isn't always easy to find peace when you've become upset or irritated.

    Let me let you in on a little secret to finding peace of mind:see the glass as already broken.

    See, the cause of our stress, anger and irritation is that things don't go the way we like, the way we expect them to. Think of how many times this has been true for you.

    And so the solution is simple: expect things to go wrong, expect things to be different than we hoped or planned, expect the unexpected to happen. And accept it.

    One quick example: on our recent trip to Japan, I told my kids to expect things to go wrong - they always do on a trip. I told them, "See it as part of the adventure."

    And this worked like a charm. When we inevitably took the wrong train on a foreign-language subway system, or when it rained on the day we went to Disney Sea, or when we took three trains and walked 10 blocks only to find the National Children's Castle closed on Mondays … they said, "It's part of the adventure!" And it was all OK - we didn't get too bothered.

    So when the nice glass you bought inevitably falls and breaks, someday, you might get upset. But not if you see the glass as already broken, from the day you get it. You know it'll break someday, so from the beginning, see it as already broken. Be a time-traveler, or someone with time-traveling vision, and see the future of this glass, from this moment until it inevitably breaks.

    And when it breaks, you won't be upset or sad - because it was already broken, from the day you got it. And you'll realize that every moment you have with it is precious.

    Expect your child to mess up - all children do. And don't get so upset when they mess up, when they don't do what they're "supposed" to do … because they're supposed to mess up.

    Expect your partner to be less than perfect.

    Expect your friend to not show up sometimes.

    Expect things to go not according to plan.

    Expect people to be rude sometimes.

    Expect coworkers not to come through sometimes.

    Expect roommates not to wash their dishes or pick up their clothes, sometimes.

    Expect the glass to break.

    And accept it.

    You won't change these inevitable facts - they will happen, eventually. And if you expect it to happen - even see it as already happening, before it happens - you won't get so upset.

    You won't overreact. You'll respond appropriately, but not overreact. You can talk to the person about their behavior, and ask them kindly to consider your feelings when they do this … but you won't get overly emotional and blow things out of proportion.

    You'll smile, and think, "I expected that to happen. The glass was already broken. And I accept that."

    You'll have peace of mind. And that, my friends, is a welcome surprise.

    多少次，你因為有些人不做他們的工作而生氣，因為你的孩子表現(xiàn)不好而生氣，因為你的伙伴或朋友不遵守他們的諾言而生氣？

    又有多少次，你因為一些人沒有按照你的習慣做事而惱怒？或者因為你的詳細計劃最終沒有實現(xiàn)而煩惱？

    這些煩惱發(fā)生在我們每個人的生活中，這是一種必然的人生體驗。

    有一些讓我煩惱的事兒，比如有人在我看電影時聊天，或者在談話途中掛我電話，或者用餐后不清洗盤子。事實上，我有許多類似的小煩惱，大家都一樣，不是么？

    而且每當碰到類似的煩惱時，我們都很難平靜下來。

    那么，讓我告訴你一個讓自己平靜下來的秘密方法吧：告訴自己杯子已經(jīng)碎了。

    其實，我們的壓力，怒氣等都是因為事情沒有按我們希望的方式發(fā)生。想想是不是這樣。

    那么，如果是這樣的話，解決辦法其實很簡單：主觀的期望事情失敗，期望事情按照我們不希望的方向發(fā)展，期望我們討厭的結果發(fā)生。然后接受它。

    舉一個簡單的例子：我和孩子們去日本旅游時，我告訴他們像每次旅游一樣的期望旅途不順利。我告訴他們，"這是冒險的一部分".

    后來這魔術般的生效了。當不可避免的事情發(fā)生，比如我們在日文地鐵系統(tǒng)中坐錯車，還有在我們去迪斯尼海洋前下了大雨，還有我們做了三趟地鐵，又步行了10 個街區(qū)卻發(fā)現(xiàn)兒童城堡在周一不開…我的孩子們會說："這是冒險的一部分！",并且一切都還好，我們并沒有因為那些事兒而過于惱怒。

    當你買的漂亮的杯子不可避免的在某一天摔碎了，你會很生氣。但如果你能在得到它的第一天起就認為它已經(jīng)摔碎了。你知道這總有一天會發(fā)生。做一個時間旅行者，或者擁有一雙能穿越時間的眼睛，去看看這個杯子的未來，從現(xiàn)在到它最終被打碎。

    然后，當它真的被打碎時，你就不會太生氣了。因為它早就被打碎了，從你得到它那天起。而后你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)之前你擁有它的時光是那樣珍貴。

    期望你的孩子把自己弄臟吧，所有孩子都會這么做。當他們把自己搞臟時，不要生氣。

    期望你的伙伴不要那么完美。

    期望你的朋友有時候不露面。

    期望事情不要安裝計劃發(fā)展。

    期望人們有時候變得粗魯。

    期望你的同事偶爾不接電話。

    期望你的室友有時候會不洗盤子也不收衣服。

    期望，杯子被打破。

    然后接受。

    你無法改變那些必然發(fā)生的事情，它們終會發(fā)生。你要做的就是期望它們發(fā)生，甚至在發(fā)生前就把它們看作已經(jīng)發(fā)生的事實，那么你就不會那么惱怒了。

    你不會表現(xiàn)過分。你會很合適的做出回應。你可以和當事人談談他們的行為，平心靜氣的請求他們考慮一下你的感受…你不會過于情緒化以至于把事情搞得更加復雜。

    你會微笑，思考，"這是我所期望發(fā)生的。杯子早就摔碎了。我可以接受。"

    你的內心會很安靜。我的朋友們，這是一個多么受歡迎的小驚喜啊。