Scientists confirm what may seem obvious to some: what satisfies us in dating, does not predict how happy we'll be in marriage.

Many of us learn, most likely the hard way, that what brings happiness during dating is quite different from what satisfies us “until death do us part". The critical difference is how your perception of commitment changes once you are married.

This comes from a survey of 92 dating couples and 77 married couples, to be published this summer in the journal, Psychological Science.

For both types of couples, the primary predictor of happiness is your perception of whether your partner motivates you to live up to your aspirations and supports you in pursuit of your dreams.

But in marriage there is one additional type of support that does not appear to be a big deal in dating. In marriage, not surprisingly, there is a strong need to think your partner is actively helping you fulfill your current responsibilities and obligations.

The significant finding, the researchers say, is that we often believe that if our dating partner gives us support to follow our dreams, they’ll probably support other parts of our life, namely our immediate responsibilities. But the ability to inspire a partner is not an accurate predictor of support for the more mundane and immediate obligations. And this can sometimes lead to a rude awakening when the church bells ring.

So it’s true. For both men and women, a little help hauling out the garbage goes a long way towards marital bliss.

為什么談戀愛不能預(yù)測婚姻的成功？

科學(xué)家們確認(rèn)了對(duì)一些人來說是顯而易見的事情：談戀愛滿意并不能預(yù)測我們未來的婚姻會(huì)如何幸福。

許多人知道——大多數(shù)都可能是嘗過苦頭之后——談戀愛能帶來幸福的東西與“至死不渝的婚姻”是兩碼事情。最關(guān)鍵的區(qū)別是一旦你結(jié)婚后，你對(duì)承諾的感受的改變。
 
經(jīng)過調(diào)查了92對(duì)談戀愛的伴侶和77對(duì)結(jié)了婚的伴侶后，研究者得出來這一結(jié)論。該研究結(jié)果將要在今年夏天的《心理學(xué)科學(xué)》（Psychological Science）雜志上發(fā)表。

對(duì)與這兩類伴侶而言，對(duì)幸福的主要預(yù)測在于你是否感受到你的伴侶鼓勵(lì)你實(shí)現(xiàn)抱負(fù)以及支持你追求夢想。

但是在婚姻中，還有另外一種形式的支持，而這種支持在談情說愛的時(shí)候看似無關(guān)緊要。在婚姻中，存在一種強(qiáng)烈的需求，那就是你要認(rèn)為你的伴侶在主動(dòng)幫助你實(shí)現(xiàn)你目前的責(zé)任和義務(wù)，而這一點(diǎn)顯得毫不奇怪。
 
研究者們說，重要的發(fā)現(xiàn)在于，我們經(jīng)常相信如果我們談戀愛的伴侶支持我們追求夢想，那么他們也可能會(huì)在生活的其它方面給予支持，也就是我們當(dāng)前的責(zé)任。但是能激發(fā)伴侶實(shí)現(xiàn)夢想并不能準(zhǔn)確地預(yù)測，我們的伴侶會(huì)在一些更世俗的和眼前的義務(wù)方面給予支持。而這有可能在清晨教堂的鐘聲響起時(shí)，讓伴侶對(duì)此猛然覺醒。

對(duì)于男女雙方而言，幫個(gè)小忙把垃圾倒掉有利于婚姻的長久幸福。這沒錯(cuò)。

Vocabulary:

Marital：婚姻的
Confirm：確認(rèn)
Obvious：明顯的
Critical：極重要的；關(guān)鍵的
Perception：感知
Commitment：承諾；現(xiàn)身
Survey：調(diào)查
Primary：主要的
Predictor：預(yù)示物
Motivate：鼓勵(lì)；激勵(lì)
Aspiration：渴望；抱負(fù)；志向
Pursuit：追求
Fulfill：實(shí)現(xiàn)
Responsibility：責(zé)任
Obligation：義務(wù)
Significant：重要的
Inspire：激發(fā)
Accurate：精確的
Mundane：世俗的
Haul：拉，拽
Garbage：垃圾
Bliss：幸福