There’s no denying that our friends have a tremendous impact on our lives. Good friends make the good times even better, and the bad times more bearable. We learn and grow by sharing our thoughts and experiences with them. You could say that a life without friends is no life at all.

And yet, our need for friendship also creates a big risk. By befriending the wrong people, we invite chaos and confusion into our lives, possibly derailing our personal growth. Remember that you need to choose your friends carefully, allowing the good people into your inner circle while keeping your distance from those who would be harmful. Here are some important traits to look for in a good friend.

They’re generally positive.

While everyone has their ups and downs, a good friend will be positive most of the time. You really don’t want a “project,” someone who’s going to suck all the life force out of you with their constant negativity. Friends should benefit from being with each other, and let their positivity rub off on each other.

Life is short, and you don’t have time to save everyone from negativity while dragging yourself down in the process. And this goes both ways. In order to be a good friend, you need to be positive as well. Both of you should make the other feel better about themselves and life in general.

They don’t try too hard to change you.

You can’t change people who don’t want to change. People are different, and we have to just accept that. While we naturally want to share our views and hobbies with other people, it doesn’t make sense to force people to change. So don’t adamantly tell someone that they have to be a vegetarian, or they have to eat meat, or they have to read more books, or they have to stop reading books, or anything else like that.

You can always invite people to try something new, but you don’t want to try to control them. Be friends with someone because of who they are now, not because of who you want them to be.

They give more than they take.

Do you ever get the feeling that someone only seems to be interested in you when you’re throwing a party, or when they need someone to help them move? That might be a sign that they take more than they give. It’s just not healthy to become friends with someone because you want to cash in on what they have to offer you, or vice versa.

A friendship should be mutually beneficial, with each of you offering help, support, and encouragement because you want to, without having ulterior motives. Any fringe benefits like getting invited to the best parties should be secondary to that.

They’re tolerant of your beliefs.

No one we meet is ever going to be exactly like us, and so disagreements are bound to happen. This is perfectly normal, and it makes life interesting. But if you happen to disagree on your deeply held beliefs, for example religion and politics, that can potentially be a problem.

Religious differences have caused many bitter arguments (not to mention wars). Political differences have caused great rifts between people who otherwise got along perfectly. But this doesn’t need to happen. Good friends can accept that one is Catholic and the other is an atheist, or that one is voting for McCain and the other is voting for Obama. There may be some debates, sometimes even heated ones, but at the end of the day, a good friend isn’t going to turn their back on you because of your beliefs. (Well, at least non-fanatical beliefs!)

Final thoughts

It’s great to be friendly, and to openly welcome new people into your life. But don’t set the bar so low as to befriend people who will do more harm than good. It’s OK to turn away from people who want to be more like a parasite than a human being. Resolve to be a good friend to others, and to expect the same in return.

無(wú)可否認(rèn)，我們的朋友對(duì)我們的生活產(chǎn)生了巨大影響。好朋友使快樂(lè)時(shí)光更加美好，使不快的時(shí)光變得可以忍受。我們?cè)趯W(xué)習(xí)和成長(zhǎng)中分享各自的想法和經(jīng)驗(yàn)�？梢哉f(shuō)，沒(méi)有朋友的生活就不能叫生活。

然而，我們對(duì)友誼的需要也造成很大的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。由于交了不良朋友，我們?yōu)樽约旱纳�活增加了混亂與迷惑，并可能改變我們的個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)軌跡。請(qǐng)記住，您需要仔細(xì)選擇您的朋友，使好人成為您的核心朋友，同時(shí)使您遠(yuǎn)離那些有害的人。以下是一個(gè)好朋友的一些重要特征。

他們通常是積極的

每個(gè)人都有他們的沉浮，但一個(gè)好朋友大部分時(shí)間中是積極的。你真的不會(huì)想要一個(gè)“負(fù)擔(dān)” ，有人會(huì)用他的長(zhǎng)期的消極吮干你生命所有的力量。朋友應(yīng)相互受益于對(duì)方，并讓他們的積極性去互相安慰對(duì)方。

人生苦短，你沒(méi)有足夠的時(shí)間把每個(gè)人從消極中拯救出來(lái)，同時(shí)從中也拖累了自己。這也是雙向的，為了做好朋友，你也要積極。大體上朋友都應(yīng)該讓對(duì)方感到自我和生活更好。

他們不會(huì)非要勉強(qiáng)你改變自己

你不能改變不想改變的人。人是不同的，我們必須接受。雖然我們天生都希望與他人分享我們的看法和愛(ài)好，這也不是說(shuō)我們可以強(qiáng)迫別人改變。所以不要生硬的告訴別人，他們必須是素食主義者，或者他們必須吃肉，或者他們必須讀更多的書(shū)，或者他們必須停止看書(shū)，或其他任何類(lèi)似的東西。

您隨時(shí)都可以邀請(qǐng)其他人嘗試新事物，但你不要想著試圖控制他們。成為朋友是因?yàn)槟阆矚g現(xiàn)在的他們，而不是想要他們成為某人。

他們付出的比索取的多

你是否曾經(jīng)有這樣的感覺(jué)，有人似乎只在你舉辦晚會(huì)的時(shí)候?qū)δ阌信d趣，或者當(dāng)他們需要有人來(lái)幫助他們搬遷的時(shí)候？這也許是他們索取多于給予的一個(gè)跡象。因?yàn)橐�利用別人的給予才與其交朋友，這是不道德的，別人這樣對(duì)你也是一樣。

友誼應(yīng)該是互惠互利的，每個(gè)人都自愿提供幫助，支持和鼓勵(lì)，而不要?jiǎng)e有用心。而任何象被邀請(qǐng)參加最好的晚會(huì)一類(lèi)的福利應(yīng)放在其次。

他們能寬容對(duì)待你的信念

我們遇到的任何人都不會(huì)跟我們完全一樣，所以分歧必然會(huì)發(fā)生。這是完全正常的，并為生活添加趣味。但是，如果你碰巧由于自己根深蒂固的信仰，如宗教和政治，而與別人意見(jiàn)不一，這可能會(huì)是一個(gè)問(wèn)題。

宗教上的差異造成了許多苦澀的爭(zhēng)論（更不用說(shuō)戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)了）。政治上的分歧造成了人民之間巨大的裂痕，其實(shí)否則能相處很好。但是，這并不需要在朋友間發(fā)生。好的朋友可以接受一個(gè)是天主教徒而另一個(gè)是一個(gè)無(wú)神論者，或者一個(gè)給麥凱恩投票另一個(gè)是為奧巴馬投票�？赡軆扇擞幸恍�爭(zhēng)論，有時(shí)甚至是激烈的，但在一天結(jié)束的時(shí)候，一個(gè)好朋友是不會(huì)因?yàn)槟愕男叛龆�不理你�?（嗯，你的信仰只要不是盲目的信仰！ ）

最后的想法

對(duì)人友好，廣交朋友，這些都很好。但是，不要門(mén)檻太低，以至于交到一些對(duì)你弊大于利的朋友。要拒絕更像一個(gè)寄生蟲(chóng)而不像一個(gè)人的人。下決心做他人的好朋友，并會(huì)有同樣的回報(bào)。